Fun and Games in the School Yard

CHARACTERS:

Gillian Proctor, 40, a primary school teacher
Hugh Stanfield, 39, a grade four teacher
Nigel Baxter, 47, a primary school teacher
Eric Meadows, 58, a primary school principal
Lana Stanfield, 36, Hugh’s sister and Gillian’s good friend
Olive Stanfield, 63, Hugh’s mother
Geoffrey Stanfield, 68, Hugh’s father
Astrid Proctor, 17, Gillian’s daughter
Sebastian Proctor, 15, Gillian’s son
Clive Proctor, Gillian’s husband
Vanessa Stanfield, a teacher


SETTING:

The play is set in the following locations: the staffroom of a primary school; the Proctor family kitchen; Olive and Geoffrey’s lounge room; Lana’s kitchen; a classroom.

Based around the conversations between teachers Hugh, Gillian and Nigel in the staffroom of a primary school, the play explores the consequences of staff gossip, as well as relationships between staff members. Gillian and Hugh also face trying times with their respective families; Gillian’s teenage children are getting at each other’s throats, and Hugh’s parents are having more than just marital problems.


SCENE I:

GILLIAN, an elegant, middle-aged woman wearing stylish clothing, is seated by a low table in the staffroom. HUGH, dressed casually, enters the stage and slumps in a chair next to GILLIAN. NIGEL is standing to the back of the stage, reading.

GILLIAN: Hugh! Nice to see you back. Have you been sick?

HUGH: Oh my god, it was awful: family problems. I’d rather have been sick.

GILLIAN: Oh, right. What was the problem?

HUGH: My mother, causing trouble for dad again.

GILLIAN: What happened this time?

HUGH: I couldn’t believe it, the stupid woman. She tried to overdose on anti-inflammatories.

GILLIAN: Oh no! Is she alright?

HUGH: Yeah, she’s fine. It’s typical attention-seeking behaviour if you ask me.

GILLIAN: Hmm, I don’t know, I mean it’s pretty drastic. (Pause) Poor thing.

HUGH: Look, we should be off to class. The kids better be good this morning.

GILLIAN: Okay, I’ll talk to you later.

(HUGH and GILLIAN leave the stage in opposite directions. The lights go off, and there is a pause. When they come back on, GILLIAN and HUGH are in the staffroom again, with NIGEL on the opposite side of the stage. NIGEL walks over to where GILLIAN and HUGH are seated.)

NIGEL: Have you heard the latest on the Principal’s position?

HUGH: Do you mean after Eric leaves?

NIGEL: Yep. Apparently the position’s already been filled.

GILLIAN: What? But it hasn’t even been advertised.

NIGEL: Oh it will be… in about a year!

HUGH: And then they’ll basically be guaranteed to win the job.

GILLIAN: So who’s the lucky person?

NIGEL: Her name’s Juanita Quinn.

GILLIAN: Oh no! Please not her!

HUGH: What’s wrong with her?

GILLIAN: Where do I start? She’s a lazy, incompetent-

HUGH: (Interrupting) So why was she given the job?

NIGEL: Apparently she’s had…um…liaisons with the Superintendent.

HUGH: So she’s slept her way to the top.

GILLIAN: Eric won’t be happy.

(NIGEL moves away to speak to other staff members.)

GILLIAN: That man’s dodgy if you ask me.

HUGH: Nigel?

GILLIAN: Yes.

HUGH: Why? He’s alright.

GILLIAN: He’s insincere, and he’s not at all committed to the job.

HUGH: It’s only a job, Gillian, not a lifestyle. Maybe you’re becoming too absorbed in the school.

GILLIAN: Of course I’m not. I’ve got a family…

HUGH: Certain people in this school seem to devote their lives to it. Take Eric for example; what’s he going to do when he retires? He’ll be lost.

GILLIAN: Don’t over exaggerate. But Nigel’s teaching’s really poor. He does the same thing week after week with his class- they must be bored silly.

HUGH: Gillian! Has everyone left their professionalism at home today?



SCENE II:

GILLIAN and LANA are seated at a wooden table in LANA’S kitchen, with a vase of flowers, a teapot and two mugs in front of them.

GILLIAN: Hugh was telling me about Olive.

LANA: I can imagine how he presented the situation. What did he say?

GILLIAN: That she was trying to attract attention-

LANA: (Interrupting) Oh believe me, this was more than a cry for help; she was serious.

GILLIAN: Why did she do it?

LANA: My father treats her like shit, Gill.

GILLIAN: Geoffrey? But they seem perfect together.

LANA: You of all people should know not to judge on appearances. Your two seem great from the outset.

GILLIAN: Don’t remind me. They’ve been giving me hell lately, especially Astrid.

LANA: Has she? I thought she’d settled down.

GILLIAN: Oh no, not Astrid. She’s going through a ‘Goth’ stage.

LANA: What’s wrong with that? At least she’s attempting to have some individuality. And how’s Seb going?

GILLIAN: Sebastian is… well I’m not sure actually. I get don’t get to talk to him much. But he seems to be getting along fine, considering. Grade ten can be a pretty tough year.



SCENE III:

OLIVE, GEOFFREY, LANA and HUGH are seated around a coffee table, LANA and OLIVE on a couch, GEOFFREY and HUGH on armchairs. The atmosphere is quite tense, and only GEOFFREY appears partially relaxed.

LANA: It’s great that you’re back at home, mum.

GEOFFREY: So how’s work been going, Hugh? Grade fours, right?

OLIVE: Thanks Lana. I’m feeling a bit better now, love.

HUGH: Yeah dad, they’re okay kids. It’s just the usual, you know.

LANA: (To OLIVE) Are you going to tell us why?

(LANA, GEOFFREY and HUGH all look at OLIVE.)

GEOFFREY: It better be a good reason, eh Hugh, after putting us through all this worry.

LANA: Worry? That’d be a first, dad.

HUGH: (In a warning tone) Lana…

OLIVE: Darling, just leave it. Everyone seems a bit stressed at the moment.

GEOFFREY: Now come on! This is more than just a little family conflict. Were you really serious about what you did? We’re talking about an attempt at suicide!

LANA: I think we all realise the seriousness of the situation, dad.

HUGH: Is that how much you care about us, mum? That you’d want to leave us all behind?

GEOFFREY: Unadulterated selfishness-

OLIVE: (Interrupting) Don’t you dare preach to me about selfishness, Geoffrey! You make me feel alone, vulnerable and- unfortunately- totally dependent on you.

HUGH: It can’t be that bad.

LANA: How mum? What does he do?

OLIVE: He got a phone call last week, from your sister. Ashley was ringing to tell us the great news. Of course your father didn’t pass it on; I only found out she was pregnant when Hugh mentioned it to me. (OLIVE glares at GEOFFREY.) You play these ridiculous mind games. Ever since you retired, it seems as if you need someone to have authority over.

HUGH: I still think you’ve overreacted, mum.

OLIVE: He expects a meal put in front of him every night at the same time; never a thankyou, and I never feel appreciated.

HUGH: This is a pretty regular scenario, mum.

LANA: That doesn’t justify it, Hugh.

OLIVE: And throwing away money on that ridiculous car.

GEOFFREY: Now come on, Olive. You know how much it means to me.

OLIVE: I’m left with nothing! It doesn’t give me any freedom, Geoffrey.

GEOFFREY: I worked hard for the money we have now. What do you need money for anyway?

LANA: Okay, can we try to resolve this? Basically dad, I think you should stop taking mum for granted-

OLIVE: (Interrupting) It’s okay Lana, but I shouldn’t have gone this far in front of you and Hugh.

HUGH: We’re not kids anymore.

OLIVE: Your father and I will sort it out ourselves. I don’t want you two worrying about it.

(GEOFFREY folds his arms, frowning, and remains silent.)

LANA: Well, if you’re sure… I better be going.. (LANA kisses OLIVE and GEOFFREY on the cheek.) I’ll talk to you both soon. Bye Hugh.

HUGH: See you Lana.



SCENE IV:

GILLIAN, CLIVE, SEBASTIAN and ASTRID are seated around a large table. They are clearly in the middle of a meal, each with a plate in front of them, and with two glasses and a bottle of wine on the table.

SEBASTIAN: God mum, this is gross!

CLIVE: Seb, just eat it.

SEBASTIAN: Can’t we go to Macca’s tomorrow?

ASTRID: Not everyone in this family wants to eat shit.

GILLIAN: Astrid, do you have to be so crude?

SEBASTIAN: Yeah Astrid, (whispering) you Goth.

ASTRID: I’d rather be labelled a ‘Goth’ than a Bogan.

CLIVE: That’s enough! Your mother and I are trying to enjoy this meal without you two constantly bickering.

GILLIAN: Are you going out tonight Seb?

SEBASTIAN: For sure.

ASTRID: Going out to get trashed again are you?

SEBASTIAN: You’re just jealous ‘cos you don’t have a life.

ASTRID: Do you know what he and his friends get up to?

SEBASTIAN: Shut up Astrid.

ASTRID: You’re infatuated with going out, getting drunk, and vomiting everywhere.

GILLIAN: Now hold on Astrid, that’s a bit of an exaggeration.

ASTRID: Sad but true.

CLIVE: Anyone for dessert?

SEBASTIAN: What’s wrong with having fun?

ASTRID: You and the rest of this alcohol-obsessed society.

SEBASTIAN: Get off your high horse.

GILLIAN: Can we leave it there please?

ASTRID: He’s probably a male slut too, mum.

GILLIAN: Astrid! You can leave the table NOW please.



SCENE V:

GILLIAN is standing in the centre of the stage, once again in the staffroom. NIGEL enters and walks over to stand next to her.

NIGEL: Hi Gillian. Seen Hugh around?

GILLIAN: I think he’s on duty.

NIGEL: Letting him out with the kids; that’s a bit of a danger.

GILLIAN: I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I don’t like what you’re implying, Nigel.

NIGEL: Well, I know it would be hard to believe. You two seem quite close.

GILLIAN: I can’t believe you! Are you daring to suggest that Hugh is some kind of paedophile?

NIGEL: That’s exactly what I’m suggesting. But you didn’t hear it from me.

GILLIAN: So where did you get that kind of idea from?

NIGEL: I hear things, Gillian. I get on well with a lot of the students.

GILLIAN: I still think it’s outrageous; suggesting that about any teacher is very serious.

(NIGEL walks away. HUGH enters the stage.)

GILLIAN: How are you, Hugh? Have things settled down with Olive?

HUGH: Hi Gillian. Yeah, I think everything’s going okay.

GILLIAN: I caught up with Lana the other day. She didn’t think that you were very understanding.

HUGH: And I suppose you believed it.

GILLIAN: (GILLIAN sighs. Pause) I was talking to Nigel earlier. I just thought I’d let you know…um…he’s been spreading some very serious rumours about you.

HUGH: WHAT?

GILLIAN: Regarding your ‘relationship’ with some students.

HUGH: Oh my god! The bastard. Where is he?

GILLIAN: Where did he get that idea?

HUGH: Gillian! I can’t believe you’d even begin to question my conduct!

(HUGH slams down his coffee mug and storms off the stage.)




SCENE VI:

LANA and GILLIAN are seated at the table, once again in LANA’S kitchen.

GILLIAN: I think I’ve really upset him, Lana.

LANA: I wouldn’t worry about it Gill. He gets like that with me all the time.

GILLIAN: But we’re colleagues. I like having a good professional rapport.

LANA: He’s just stressed about Geoffrey.

GILLIAN: I’m mucking up relationships all over the place.

LANA: I’m sure you’re not.

GILLIAN: I am! Astrid’s not talking to me, and I’ve realised that Sebastian walks all over me. Last night he came home late and vomited all over the footpath. .

LANA: (Laughing) Sorry Gill, but you’ve got to admit that it’s pretty typical behaviour. So he had a bit too much to drink? Lighten up a bit, it’s not so bad.

(There is a knock from off-stage. LANA leaves the stage and returns with OLIVE.)

LANA: Gillian, this is my mother, Olive. Mum, this is Gillian.

OLIVE: Hello dear. (She smiles at GILLIAN and sits down at the table.) Lana, I’m so sorry to interrupt when you have a friend here, but I have some news.

GILLIAN: I’ll go if you like.

LANA: Don’t be silly Gill. Here mum, have a cup of tea. So what’s new?

OLIVE: Well, actually…(Pause) I’ve left your father.

LANA: Oh my god, you haven’t! I can’t believe it! How is he?

OLIVE: Darling, it’s good of you to worry about me. You’re father’s fine.

LANA: I’m sorry mum. It’s just that…well…I would never have expected it. (She sighs.)

GILLIAN: I think it’s very brave of you, Olive. Where are you staying?

OLIVE: I was hoping I could stay with you for a while, Lana. Just until I decide what to do next.

LANA: Of course you can. I’m sure it won’t be for long; you’ll come to your senses and go home soon.

OLIVE: Yes, I suppose I will. (Pause) It’s quite silly of me really. I’m too old for this kind of thing. You know, everything would have been much easier if we’d gone ahead and separated years ago.

LANA: Mum! I’d never realised you and dad were unhappy for so long.

GILLIAN: (To OLIVE) Why didn’t you?

OLIVE: There were the children to think of, and it really wasn’t the done thing back then.

LANA: Are you really that serious about leaving him? You’ve made your point- more than once in fact!

GILLIAN: He’s probably been shocked into action.

OLIVE: Yes, you’d think he would’ve got the message by now. (OLIVE smiles) I’ll leave you girls in peace. (OLIVE gives LANA a kiss.) Bye darling, by Gillian. (OLIVE leaves the stage.)

LANA: Oh she sure is a drama queen.



SCENE VII:

A staff meeting is in progress. ERIC is in the midst of a speech to the staff.

ERIC: …so hopefully the school won’t be let down too badly by my replacement.

NIGEL: What could you mean by that, Eric? (NIGEL sniggers and glances around the room.)

ERIC: Let’s just say I don’t endorse the validity of her appointment.

VANESSA: That’s just because you can’t cope with the idea of a woman replacing you.

ERIC: Now hold on a minute; I have absolutely no problem with a woman taking over my position. All I care about is whether or not the leadership displayed continues to be of the high standard that I feel I have shown.

GILLIAN: I think some people are having difficulty working together at the moment.

HUGH: Get back in your box, Gillian.

VANESSA: We’re letting down the students. I believe that the staff needs to be united if the school is to prosper.

NIGEL: (Quietly, to the person next to him.) Stop talking crap, Vanessa.



SCENE VIII:

NIGEL is standing near a desk, going through some papers. HUGH walks onto the stage from behind him.

HUGH: (Loudly) What the hell have you been saying about me, (Spitting the name out) Nigel?

NIGEL: (Turning around towards HUGH.) Ah, Hugh. Good to see you.

HUGH: (Standing directly in front of NIGEL) Don’t play mister charming with me. What on earth were you thinking? I have no idea where this has all come from, but I plan to take these kind of (he pauses) ‘allegations’ further.

NIGEL: Now Hugh, I really don’t know what you’re talking about.

HUGH: (Shouting) Like hell you don’t! Do you realise the seriousness of this? My reputation has been tarnished because some slimy two-faced moron is jealous of me; what is it that you can’t take, Nigel? The fact that my students respect me, that I get on well with their parents, or (he jabs NIGEL in the chest with his finger) that I’m a damn good teacher?

(Gillian enters the stage)

GILLIAN: Hugh, what’s going on?

HUGH: (In a vicious tone of voice) What are you doing here?

GILLIAN: I heard you shouting. Look Hugh, I’m really sorry if you thought I doubted you. Of course I would never believe anything like that. (Pause. GILLIAN looks at NIGEL.) I hope you’re proud of yourself. What did you hope to achieve by this?

NIGEL: I-

HUGH: (Interrupting) If you EVER do anything like this again, I will make sure that you are dealt with properly! I’m appalled at your conduct, Nigel. You’ve lost any respect that I ever had for you.

(GILLIAN and HUGH turn away from NIGEL and leave the stage.)


SCENE IX:

LANA and GILLIAN are seated at the table in LANA’S kitchen.

LANA: So have you sorted things out with Hugh? I haven’t spoken to him for a while.

GILLIAN: Yeah, it’s going well. Had a staff meeting with the new principal the last week.

LANA: How was she?

GILLIAN: Great! I was surprised; it went really well.

(Pause as they sip their tea.)

GILLIAN: Any more dramas involving the parents?

LANA: Not lately. Though I wouldn’t count on them staying quiet for long. (Pause) I think it’s best if I stay out of it.

GILLIAN: (GILLIAN laughs) Good idea! Let sleeping dogs lie.

LANA: Something like that. (She smiles and raises her mug.)


THE END.